Today's Nightmares
by NeverMineToHold
Summary: Alvin doesn't have nightmares, he has memories. Still, he has Jude, too. Alvin x Jude


Title: "Today's Nightmares"

Status: OneShot

Fandom: Tales of Xillia

Characters/Pairing: Jude Mathis/Alvin

Disclaimer: Copyright Namco Bandai; no copyright infringement intended.

Rating: T

Genre: slash, established relationship, post-game, character introspection

Warnings: none

Summary: Alvin doesn't have nightmares, he has memories. Still, he has Jude, too.

Today's Nightmares

_The ocean was beautiful this far away from the coast. Deep blue and sparkling. The air smelled of salt instead of algae and the cresting waves carried no garbage or slimy foam. Out here even the sky was a lighter shade of gray._

_Alvin leaned heavily on the railing, arms quivering and legs kicking empty air to keep his balance. His mother was a warm presence standing at his side, shielding him from the breeze, her hand a light weight on his shoulder._

_His shoes got tangled up in her dress, an elegant gown, picked out for dinner in the grand ballroom, but she only laughed, glad to see him so excited. Father would have scolded him, but Alvin knew that his mother approved of any and all activities that lured him away from his textbooks._

"_What about that little redhead?"_

_Alvin felt his strength running out and, after one last struggle, gave up. His feet hit the deck with a thump and the great view disappeared from sight, blocked by metal. "Father said I'm not supposed to associate with her."_

"_I see," Mother said after a moment of silence. "Did you want to play with her?"_

"_No." Alvin shook his head and felt heat spread across his cheeks. Scowling, he rubbed at them with both hands. "She's scary."_

"_She's one year younger than you!"_

"_I know – she still bites!"_

XXX

Alvin opened his eyes to the familiar sight of the ocean, deep blue and sparkling. The waves seemed to be cut in two by the cruisers' bow, yet smoothed out like glass in the distance. The first sign of impending doom. - Not that he had known it back then.

He tried to turn his head, but his seven-year-old self didn't respond. Alvin was trapped inside his dream, confined to the role of an observer. The knowledge didn't stop him from trying. He longed to see his mothers' animated face one more time, for her to recognize him, not being trapped in an idealized version of the past, seeing straight through him to the ceiling; confined to her bed.

Now that she was dead it would never happen again. Not even the remote possibility was left.

Alvin envied his dream self. Like any kid he could still run to mommy, bury his face into her skirts and hug her tight, while she smoothed down his hair and told him that everything would be alright. And this Alvin, painfully shy, lanky and constantly blushing, would never even think of questioning the truth of her words.

Not that it mattered as the tsunami hit...

XXX

Alvin woke to a dark room, the scenes of drowning people still playing in front of his eyes, before they faded to reveal the bed he lay in. His quick breaths sounded harsh in the silence. Sweat trickled down his temple, sticking his hair together.

He could still taste salt on his tongue. It took Alvin a moment to realize that his nightmare hadn't bled into reality. He licked another tear away from his lips and settled back down, burying his face into the fluffy pillow. It smelled musky, his own aftershave mingling with Leia's latest birthday present that hadn't been dropped roast chicken.

Alvin allowed himself to relax in the warm cocoon of blankets. This was Jude's room. Full of white rectangles of stacked papers, some strewn on the carpet, some in the pockets of a lab coat, most covering the desk. Formulas written on chalkboards stood out as well, especially as Alvin's eyes got used to the lack of light.

He smiled as the body beside him shifted closer. Jude arched underneath his hand as Alvin reached out to trace cool fingers down his spine, that settled possessively on the small of his back.

"Alvin?" Jude's voice was thick with sleep. "Everything alright?"

Alvin's nod turned into a nuzzle, the tip of his nose tickled by strands of hair that felt smooth underneath his lips. He very much wanted to be distracting, because his eyes felt raw and dry. Nothing much slipped past Jude's keen attention, not even in semi-darkness.

"I'm fine."

The gleaming of Jude's eyes managed to convey his skepticism. "Nightmare?"

"I don't remember."

"Liar." Jude said it matter-of-fact as he smoothed away the hair that covered Alvin's face and traced the path one tear had taken with his fingertip. His sigh was a warm brush of air and affectionate. "And to think that I couldn't see right through you back then."

"Oh? You think you've got me all figured out?" Alvin asked it with a devil-may-care grin. He couldn't help himself sometimes, still playing and acting and trying to fool, even though Jude had, years ago. He got a sharp poke for his trouble. Sobering, he added, "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

"I know."

Jude leaned in close for a kiss. However, he jerked back with a wince before their lips could touch. "Ow!" He glared to the foot of the bed. "Rufus!"

The spyrite hissed back, clearly irritated to be woken in the middle of the night, claws digging into Jude's leg through the covers. Alvin smothered a grin as it curled and twisted on the duvet like a cat before settling down. Yawning almost pointedly, its red-golden glow dimming to the faint amber of sleep.

"Maybe we should take the hint."

"Maybe we should keep him up all night," Jude muttered darkly.

That got Alvin's full attention, especially since all his attempts the evening before had been shot down. "Now that sounds exciting. Tell me more?"

Jude might have rolled his eyes and never got around to answer Alvin's question, but it wasn't as if many more words were needed that night. As for Rufus, he fled, eventually.

The End

["_You learned to run from what you feel, and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control._" ~ Megan Chance]

R&R


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